I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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