listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
