Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
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You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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