The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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