Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
two words...techno handjob
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
