Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
