she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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