i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
