A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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