whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
