i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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