I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
