Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
