we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
