Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
