I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
