Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I take back everything I said about communal showers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The Olympian is in my bed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
