its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
