Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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