I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
