why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
