he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my being single is dangerous.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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