My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
