counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found puke in my bra..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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