Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
