we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
