Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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