Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
