areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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