I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
last night I used snow as a chaser
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