You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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