That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
