Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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