I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
