I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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