wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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