I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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