just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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