Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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