the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
