did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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