lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
