i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
