Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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