i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
