look no pants
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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