she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
