like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
