ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
