yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
