When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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