there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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