I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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