Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
