Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
