You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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