Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
