I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
