porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
