Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
