I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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