Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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