I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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