3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
