Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
