I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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