this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
