That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
