grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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