Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
